A Breakthrough Out of Brokenness  

By Ebonie Davis (Washington DC), Contributor 

Photo Credit: Diana Jimenez

We often think of breakthroughs as a specific moment in time we can point to where everything changes, but Sarah Richman (New York 2011), Director of Teen Programming at New City Kids, describes her breakthrough as a “slow burn, peeking through, bits at a time.”  

In 2011, life was messy for Sarah.  Reeling from an impending divorce, the brokenness played out in her life in disorienting ways. In her mind, God had moved to NYC for acting, but fear of rejection held her back from fully pursuing this path. Instead, life became her stage as Sarah adopted a performance mentality. “For years prior, my life was performance after performance. I’d literally go from directing one play at the after-school center to directing another at church.” But it wasn’t just the literal stage where performance seemed to rule her world. She was surviving but not living her life and overloading herself with “good things” to hide the pain of her failed marriage inside. Ministry, and just about everything else, became another performance.  

As much as they tried to instill God’s grace in me, it took me walking through life myself, messing up, and experiencing God’s love.

Reflecting on her life, Sarah is grateful for her parents (parachurch youth pastors), but she also realizes that this mentality originated from a perceived need for perfectionism being raised in the church. “My parents were and are amazing people. As much as they tried to instill God’s grace in me, it took me walking through life myself, messing up, and experiencing God’s love. I could experience God’s love through my parents, but I had to experience his grace and forgiveness for myself.” On the occasions when she fell short relationally, she was wracked with guilt and faith-upending questions. “I know what good Christians do, and I hadn’t done it. Could I still be loved anyway? Could I still be wanted anyway?” she questioned. 

Perfectionism defined Sarah’s life all the way through 2019 and impacted everything from her lack of balance to the way she led her staff. “I was leading from a position of wanting them to like me, so I was afraid to confront anything or hold anybody accountable.” 

Eventually, Sarah stepped down from her position at the church. During this season, when she was perhaps at her lowest point, it felt like yet another blow. She was no longer able to afford the rising rent on her apartment. “I was this divorced white woman struggling in the city, working at a nonprofit, trying to pay my bills, and now I needed to move.” A friend who heard about her need in passing, happened to own a vacant condo nearby. It was a pivotal moment that reminded Sarah she was a treasured daughter. “It wasn’t because of anything that I’d done; in fact, it was despite everything I’d done wrong,” she reasons. “I was blown away by how much God didn’t care about my mistakes in that moment. He cared about me and me having a genuine relationship with him.” 

Sarah started the process of healing and rebuilding using the skills that DVULI had given her—she lives out the core values and loves systems thinking. She jumped at the opportunity to attend grad school. Though a restructuring at New City Kids resulted in her demotion, she says it ended up being “the best thing that could have happened.” Her new director was a great coach, empowering her and helping her see her gifting and the value of her years of experience. God used others in her life as well. When meeting Sarah, one would never guess that behind all the performances, there is an extreme introvert. She learned to collaborate with colleagues who had giftings that she did not. One of her courses required her to see a counselor. The experience was so impactful that she decided to continue after the class concluded. Mentors who walked with her held her accountable and helped her hone the DVULI skills she learned but never applied. God continued to peek through. Looking back on that season, Sarah could even see how He redeemed the pain of her divorce. She learned how to be real without being rejected.     

Today Sarah is proud of how she leads her team and creates a sense of community at New City Kids. She describes herself as a recovering perfectionist. “My next level breakthrough has been learning to be “okay” with things not being how I had planned them. I recognize now that throughout my life, I’d run ahead of God and say, ‘Are you catching up? We’re doing this, right?’ And His response was, ‘No, no, no. Come back! This is the way we’re doing it.’ There’s been a lot of redirection, but the core of me hasn’t changed, and the giftedness hasn’t either. The way He is using my gifts, however, is not what I expected. Though I’m not intentionally pursuing acting anymore, I’m creating a place where people can be creative.” 

Sarah’s breakthrough has made her a more authentic witness to the teens she serves. She models and presents the goodness of the gospel in a way that’s enticing and welcoming while also letting kids know it’s not going to be perfect. They, too, are learning that God invites them to be real without being rejected.

Sarah’s breakthrough has made her a more authentic witness to the teens she serves. She models and presents the goodness of the gospel in a way that’s enticing and welcoming while also letting kids know it’s not going to be perfect. They, too, are learning that God invites them to be real without being rejected. “Earth is far from perfect, but we can still see the goodness of God in the midst of it,” she muses “I want teens to understand that He isn’t a Band-Aid that’s going to make everything better. He is a lifeline to cling to when it’s the worst storm ever.”